It wasn’t the right time. I may have been overwhelmed.
It was Christmas, 40 years ago. We had traveled to Carroll, IA, from Omaha as we often did, with four children, food, and presents packed in the minivan.
I had wrapped the gifts in brown kraft paper with red ribbons and handmade stamps applied (made from carving shapes into potatoes? or sponges?) and red paint. The shapes were simple and nature themed, like trees and pinecones, subtly adding color.
Natural colors were my favorite, and still are. Red is too flamboyant for me.
But, my dad, a generous gardener and experimenter was forcing amaryllis bulbs for the first time in pots all laid out on the table. Grandma Schelle raved over the few that had opened up.
He offered me one, expressing his joy in being able to prepare and present this gift.
But I refused it. And I feel guilty to this day, every time I see a red amaryllis.
However, I can say that I now appreciate them, thanks to Dad. Maybe that’s a message from him in heaven that he’s forgiven me.
Enjoy your gifts,
Shirley
On Writing, On Life 
Testing.
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I know in some way the connections we make after the fact give us a small inner feeling that the family member is connecting, communicating in the present. Just a few days ago I attended a ceremony on the beach for a past Water Polo family’s 28 year old son, who never resurfaced from a free dive. His body has yet to be found. But, the speaker said to some thousand of us locals standing on that beach holding our candles: “ Connor (the deceased) by far is responsible for the high surf. Every one present could relate as Connor loved the ocean, the surf and all water related activities.
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This touches my heart, thank you, Mike.
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